_Making Friends with Yourself_

"You can never experience a true love relationship with someone unless you first take care of any self-accepting problems within you.”

(Taken from the book "The Compleat Courtship" by Nancy Van Pelt) — " In very real way many marriage failures are really courtship failures. I don’t want this to happen to you. It is my prayer that with the help of this book "The Compleat Courtship", you will be able to face reality before you marry…"

"I request any adult reader who may have grave concerns about the morality of young people to read with an open mind — open to the possibility that more good may be accomplished by informing young people of the facts than by keeping them ignorant. While young people read this, we should not stand by, preaching, moralizing but praying that the Holy Spirit will guide & direct them during the decision-making process."

Life’s Three Greatest Decisions: 

 Every young person must face three big decisions. Likely you are facing one or more of them right now. They are:

  • What place will religion have in my life?
  • What vocation shall I choose?
  • Whom  will I eventually marry?.

We have to make these serious decisions at a relatively early age, usually between the ages of 18 and 22. These decisions weigh heavily on you, because their consequences will follow you the rest of your life. Let’s take a look at these issues one by one.

         What place will religion have in my life? Whether you realize it or not, you have already begun to choose the central point around which your life will rotate. Sense you cannot serve two masters; you will have to choose between God or Satan. If you have absorbed spiritual values in your childhood, you will probably make God your focus. If you have had negative input and have been brought up by hypocritical or legalistic parents, you might be fighting what you know is right. If you have chosen pleasure as your major thrust, then your life will be far different from the one committed to value and purpose. This first decision, then determines the other two choices in life.


         What vocation shall I choose? The choice of an occupation, whether it be as an engineer or a homemaker, is of vital importance because we spend so many hours a day engages in the chosen vocation. If your lifework fails to challenge you and bring you the rewards you hoped for, you will find yourself sentenced to years of boredom, frustration, and unhappiness.


             Whom shall I marry? Studies indicate that 9.5 out of every ten Americans marry. The consequences of this decision dictate with whom you will spend your entire adult years in the most intimate relationship known to men and women. The person will become your partner in rearing your children and will share every level of your life. A poor decision here could spell disaster not only for you, but also for  your spouse, your family, and your friends. It can be even more tragic if you enlarge your family with children.


         One thing seems clear, then. A poor choice on any one of these three major decisions will lessen your chances for happiness and self-fulfillment.


         Have you been daydreaming about finding your “prince” or “princess” in the near future so that you can drop out of school and worrying about your problems, or so you can settle down in your own private world? Many people expect marriage to resolve all life’s problems. After all we feel alone in a big world. We can go about in a depersonalized world only for so long without identifying a personal niche in the scheme of life. By finding a partner to love and share life with, we escape for a time from grappling with life’s problems. At least we matter to one other person! We grasp—blindly at times—for such a relationship because it seems to provide the obvious answer to the dilemma we find ourselves in. Falling in love holds tremendous attraction for millions. Thousands wait in anxious anticipation for love to hit so they can escape from their problems.


         But don’t count on your dreams and expectations to take care of the future. Instead, carefully look at the present, especially at your own feelings of worth before you oversell the future. What kind of person are you realistically? What makes up the whole of you? What goals, values, and beliefs do you hold? Where are you going? Are you in control of your life, or do others control it? Can you be responsible for your own actions? Can you trust your own feelings? Do you resist taking a good hard look at your life to see if you need to make some changes? Is something or someone preventing you from being the person you’d like to be?


         Who and what you are predetermines your search for the answers to these questions. If you feel like frog, you will make froggy decision. If you feel like a prince or princess, then you will much more likely make intelligent choices regarding life’s three greatest decisions. You see, being ready for dating and courtship begins, first of all, with you. If you have never learned to like yourself, your chances for love are very slim. Every young person needs, then, a healthy perspective on himself/herself. Unless you like yourself, you are neither capable of making intelligent decisions nor ready to form a romantic relationship with another.


Let’s take a moment to read this short parable:


          Buford loved to swim. Luckily, his home had a built-in swimming pool. In fact, his home was one large swimming pool— a pond. Buford, you see, was a pudgy, bulgy-eyed frog.

          Buford recognized that he wasn’t much to look at, so he spent most of his time hiding among the slippery weeds that thrived along edges of his pond. Usually only the tip of is nose and his big round eyes protruded from the water. And whenever anyone neared the pond, Buford would croak in alarm and plunge out of sight into the deeper water. He really was quite bashful. Maybe he felt self-conscious because of the brown birthmarks that mottled his green skin.

          The other frogs would have little to do with Buford. They had their own circle of froggy friends, but Buford was never included. How he hated his lonely existence! He felt homely, mucky, creepy, sluggish, and dull. Sometimes he even felt like a retard. As a result, he spent his time sitting in the shallows, where he could watch the other frogs having fun time as they leaped from pad to pad. Buford, the friendless frog and as a frog, he was a washout!

          On certain days when the sun’s rays would drench the area with radiant heat, Buford would rivet his courage together and sunbathe high and dry on an exposed surface. He wouldn’t laze around for long, of course, or else he would quickly dry up and turn hard and brittle. And too much sun caused is birthmarks to darken. But still it felt mighty nice to loll in the sunshine once in a while, even if he had to do it all by himself.

          One warm summer day Buford lazily stretched himself out on a large lily pad. As the heat washed over his cold, slimy body, the lounging Buford drowsed into a lackadaisical mood.

          Suddenly Buford heard footsteps on the bank. Lethargically he rolled his eyes toward the sound, and Buford’s little heart started thumping inside his chest. He caught a glimpse of a beautiful young woman. Never had those frog eyes of is focused on such an enchanting person. Her beauty absolutely captivated him.

          Hi, there,” this beauteous vision said, “What’s your name?”

          Buford couldn’t even find a raspy croak with which to respond.

          “Let’s be friends,” this charmer invited as she splashed her way into the water toward the little Buford. Her beauty so transfixed that he forgot how to jump! She scooped him into her hand and lifted him up to eye level. Buford could tell that she was a princess —no doubt about it.

          “Want a kiss?”, she asked. And without waiting for Buford to answer, she pressed hers lips to the very tip of his nose. Buford felt ecstatic.

                         But when she gently lowered him to the water, his old reflexes took over, and he vaulted from her hand. With a plop he splashed into the pond and disappeared. With powerful strokes of his hind legs Buford swam to the surface. When he poked his head out of the water, he heard her promises in musical tones, “I’m coming back to see you tomorrow. I like you.”

          At first Buford felt so excited he didn’t think he could wait for tomorrow to arrive. But then his cynicism took over. Why should such an exquisite young woman show an interest in him — a lonely old frog?

          But true to her word, the enchantress returned the next day. In fact, she came daily with a kiss and kind words for Buford, who felt flattered with all the attention.

          Buford didn’t realize it, but the affections of this lovely person caused a metamorphosis to take place in his life. No longer did he relish living in the murky pond waters. No longer did he hop about on all fours. No longer did those large brown blotches blemish his complexion. Buford left his froggy feeling behind and turned into a handsome prince!


              Perhaps you remember from childhood days a variation of this tale. Many versions exist. Most emphasize the transforming power of love as symbolized by the kisses of the beautiful maiden. I suppose one could draw many morals from such a parable. Some of the lessons could be spiritual, some social. It is important for us to recognize that we do have the capacity to build up each other and put each other back together again. But I want to take this one step further.


Do you ever hate yourself??


          Have you ever felt like Buford? Just about as slow, low, ugly, puffy, drooped, and pooped as Buford?


          Do you feel bad like this one girl who feels bad about herself?  Al though she has a lovely figure and beautiful clothes. She is attractive and talented in music yet she told someone how totally inadequate and ugly she feels.


          Do you ever feel not so self assured? Like this young man who is tall, handsome, intelligent, outgoing and fun-loving but stays single for so long because he finds himself incapable of handling one true emotional and romantic relationship but hopping with so many girlfriends.


        Joan has a nice personality, and her many friends like her very much. She is good at sports & active in intramurals. Basically,she dislikes herself because she is racially different & has never learned to accept it.


         Kurt, better than average scholastically, is a student body officer,and he frequently participates in religious activities at church. He has real leadership capabilities, but feels inadequate & useless. Therefore kurt is not accoplishing what he could in life.


          Another graphics case in point… Written on a restaurant washroom wall were these words: “I have taken the pill, hoisted my hemline above my thighs, and dropped it to ankle… I’ve rebelled against my university, skied at Aspen, loved two men, married one; earned my keep, kept my identity, and frankly, I’M LOST.”


If you ever felt like one of these scenarios, you can sit on a lily pad and wait for a prince or a princess to change things for you with a magic kiss. But a better way would be to improve your feelings of worth. LEARN TO LIKE YOURSELF!


Taken from the book "The Compleat Courtship"



I’m your princess !! I’m  waiting for you my prince…

to come out of your true self… here’s my kiss  and transform

be a prince too!! LOL


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